Brotherhood

Brothers.

For the longest time I’ve been seeking for an elder brother to rely and depend on. Being the oldest in the family naturally makes me one responsible for my siblings and family, but I can’t say I have been that responsible. People asked why my younger brother and I wouldn’t click, we just didn’t when we entered teenagehood.

We used to play videogames together, that’s about our only shared passions till now. He once told me “serves you right” when I had an operation and had to sit in a wheelchair for a week or two. I once slapped him (actually several times) for being fucking rude.

He once called me from downstairs that a Corrs vid was playing on MTV, I once called him when his LP vids appeared on the telly. Though these were done in a not so intimate manner.

I thought these sorta cold attitudes were normal, really. If I had to compare, take Heng and his bro, Ryui Bynn and his bro.

I don’t know about their oddly-strung relationships, but it just…happens, aight?

That Korean movie Taegukgi is a shining example of brotherly love, no matter how gay that sounds. I thought in this age and now, it’s hard to find brothers who actually connect and talk freely to one another. It’s too damn awkward.

Sometimes sleeping in my own huge bed alone I felt rather lonely, heh. At several points in life I actually idolised my friends who seemed so much mature, smarter, all with the qualities of being that almost perfect elder sibling.

...

But at this point, I honestly don’t care.

I lied.

I still want that missing elder sibling, be it a brother or otherwise. Or perhaps all I really need is a long-term partner for life. That love. To relate. A relationship.

I have never been able to talk freely about anything to my cousins and relatives either, but mostly due to language barriers. I remembered when we were younger, my cousins and I used to communicate in BM. How freaking stupid (yet funny) is that!? I do half-understand most of their ramblings in Mandarin and Teochew, but to talk—I can’t.

Maybe the only way to turn me into a complete extrovert is to migrate to some place else. Adopting an accent would be most amusing.

Went to the library with Shawn, Heng, Andy, initially planned to study till late night but we forgot the Muslims’ buka puasa, so they closed at 5. I went to Shawn’s house with Andy, and played a bit of Gunz.

Like I said in my previous entry, I sucked at this game but got darned lucky, then laughed hysterically to myself while continue killing more and more people randomly, and finally emerged tops. Haha :D

I also had to climb on top of Shawn’s rooftop to help his dad out with something. Yeah, thoughts of headlines flashing “Freak accident while fixing leaking roof” crossed my mind as I climbed on top of it, and felt myself breaking cold sweat. Felt a bit nervous too.

Snapped some pics when Shawn passed his camera through his parents’ room window, touching it with my dirty, tainted hands. But it felt cool to be on top of it :D Makes one wonder how those robbers dared to hop across rooftops with such dexterity and ease.