saigoheiki.com

I always feel like a kid trapped inside this grown-up body – my yearnings traverse wide across wishes and dreams I’ve amassed throughout the years, some of which I’ve achieved, some I’ve yet to obtain. Like that piercing I did a week ago, it was a wish lying dormant till something stirred in me to pursue this silly agenda. Who cares really about a tiny issue that’s not likely to affect my entire being?

I’ve always maintained experience isn’t something that can be bought. I’ve experienced that odd sensation of poking a earring through my earlobe and, after trying for some time to get the sharp point to exit through the other hole, I’ve failed to do so and ended up sweating buckets just to perform what seemed to be a simple task of putting on a new earring. I ended up feeling a little.. weirded out of having to dig through my flesh of an earlobe a little to get it through the other end – yes the thought does seem a little disgusting – and finally I had to summon my mum’s help in the end.

There are times when I inwardly implode into a tantrum but that’s where all the energy of reckless anger and humdrum sadness go to: inwardly.

There are times when I want to outwardly explode into a passion-tinged confession but fearing rejection and ultimately unprecedented consequences, that’s where all these things hide: inwardly.

I’d like them to know how exactly I feel – but it isn’t exactly a question of courage. This toddler knows possibilities and the surrounding limitations, this toddler wants to savour the good and have fun while it lasts. But as much as this toddler wants to remain as an ignorant toddler, this toddler sadly knows how the real world works, and thus, this toddler is repressing everything that concerns it.

---

Yesterday’s Japanese class was cancelled as our teacher was down with some bad flu, so Shawn fetched me and Ding to Summit at about 2.30pm.. which was the initial plan. As Shawn later needed to pick up Shawn’s mum and Yen from Subang Parade, we ended up trying to find Heng at Pizza Uno but he wasn’t there, and then went on to Subang Parade for the aforementioned reason.

At Summit, Shawn went around looking for a DSTT card to send on to his ‘cousin sister’ in UK, while I went around looking for.. earrings wtf. It feels odd shopping for something I normally wouldn’t have done 20 years ago, but 20 years onwards sees a new something being added to my shopping list.

I was shocked at how cheap these earrings go at only about RM4-5 per pair when I expected at least RM20, so I bought two pairs: a pair of fake diamond-like things, and a black pair that Ding said would look good on me.

We ended up walking around lepaking while waiting for Shawn’s mum to finish her shopping.. where I finally reached home at about 7.30pm.

At about 10.40pm Ding picked me up to Shawn’s on the pretext of playing FFCC: Ring of Fates together while Heng and Shawn watched football.. and some time later Yen helped Ding and Shawn to do a blackhead-removing facial mask (unfortunately no pictures, didn’t bring my camera). Hahaha I swear to god that gender equality is rearing its head at this time and age – earrings and facial masks for men in the past would be nearly unthinkable.

(And I just discovered today that not all girls actually pierce their ears, like a classmate of mine who apparently didn’t like the idea of the pain that comes with it.)

We ended up at Nasi Lemak USJ behind my house at nearly 1am to continue watching football. A cockroach was walking about cheekily on a nearby table while flaunting its antennas, and Heng found it fearsome enough to want to change tables lol.

We all went back about half an hour later.