Homosapien vs blatella asahinai

Yesterday midnight a curious war exploded in my bathroom.

Was done churning out excessive urea, and was about to wash my hands when something black glittered from the washing basin. On closer inspection, I jumped back when I saw it was an organism most of us loathe: the cockroach, probably only in its teens (if you can ascertain a cockroach’s puberty >_>).

Shit, I thought. It was crawling out from the tiny holes of my basin!

Without wasting any time before the dratted species crawled into my room, I began pouring water from my pail ten times in an attempt to drown it, enough to supply water for an entire Pakistani family, victims of the recent earthquake, for an entire week. As it refused to get sucked into the void of my basin, I thought it was pure folly trying to push the roach down to where it really belonged without physically touching it. It’s a wonder how it managed to crawl out from the tiny holes in the first place.

Fuck. Whattodo whattodo?

Idea sparked in my mind, years of studying Science and probably even Chemistry, a subject I hated, helped. No, I didn’t bother to get Ridsect from the recesses of my storeroom because by then, the cocky roach would have travelled right into my room where I might spend my time cowering in fear.

I would have to thank my Biology knowledge for this.

Knowing that cockroaches breathe through their thoraxes probably helped. I smiled deviously. I took the scoop (whatever you call it in English – the gayung) and began submerging it in my pail. When it filled to half of its volume, I took out my first weapon: Soft-On Shower Cr?me Kiwi and Egg Protein.

I poured it into the scoop and began stirring it with my hand, till bubbles and foam were produced. Oh yes oh yes, what a brilliant plan to eradicate the demonic species.

With enough bubbles bubbling in my scoop like a wizard boiling some potent potion in his pot, I began pouring its contents into my basin, submerging the cockroach’s innards with alcaline chemicals. DIE YOU FUCKING FAGGOT BREEDING LIKE RATS AROUND THE WORLD DIE!

The evil incarnate of the Devil splattered helplessly in my basin, trying to breathe in air but found its pores blocked and destroyed by the alcaline contents of my water. MUHAHAHHAHAHA.

To ensure it was really dead, I took out my second mass cockroaches weapon of destruction: Sofkin Green Tea Shampoo. Poured some of its contents into the water, stirred it, and gave that insect a much-needed hairwash. Dieeee.

Notice the dead demon?

Imaginary bells rang from heavens above and I was declared the winner of this epic battle. Slightly tired from this physically taxing war, I prepped myself into bed and slept. The end.