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As my Internet connection was being a total bitch on Thursday, I dropped by at Andy’s house again for a while, and waited till I receive an SMS indicating that we could meet up at the Shell station after Summit Hotel from this seller from Kajang who happened to be in Subang for business. I have been wanting to purchase a proper camera bag ever since I got my DSLR, and as this seller rarely used his Computrekker AW (it was allegedly in a mint condition, and I think it looked alright), I took it off his hands for RM350.

Then I went back again to Andy’s house to resume using his Internet till nearly 6pm. And after my Chinese class, had a DotA session again with Ding and Jon at Jon’s house (collected my 500GB hard drive from Jon that I bought for RM410 that would serve as a photo-only storage – my photos are expanding like crazy due to the insane amount of size per photo (10MB/photo if converted from RAW), and after that at about 1am the three of us went to Tanjung for a short mamak session.

Random photo of myself snapped in Andy’s room with my newly purchased Converse cap to cover my butt-ugly hair.

On Friday afternoon, I went to Jon’s house to use his Internet connection till about 6pm before he and his church friends had to leave for somewhere else. Then at about 10pm, Shawn and Ding came to my house to do our Japanese homework and on completing them, we went to find Andy who was busy with his ‘assignment’. We ended up talking in the kitchen over a can of beer each, and Shawn even cooked 4 packets of Maggi Mee, adding in eggs and sausages.

Yesterday afternoon at about 3pm, I asked Andy to teman me to Summit to buy 3 tickets to Hancock because we couldn’t book them online, and after purchasing them, we went to Giant for a while as I wanted to get an extra razor with extra cartridges.

At about 7.20pm, Yen picked me and Ding up, and as always with USJ 1, we got stuck at the traffic jam near Giant and was about 10-15 minutes late for our 7.40pm movie. It was definitely a very different superhero flick, the storyline was interesting and decidedly different, there was humour peppered throughout the show – overall it was a fantastic watch although it was only about 90 minutes long. :)

Yen then dropped Ding and me at one of them Chinese kopitiams at Taipan for us to grab some bite.. then we walked over to Starbucks where she was there with her friends and we drove her car back to her place at about 11pm. We lepak-ed in Shawn’s room.. chit-chatted for a while before Andy dropped by at around midnight.

We talked a whole lot together with Yen in the room up till about 2am.. then went downstairs to sample the Canadian whisky that Shawn brought back from college because I insisted like the alcoholic I’m turning into wtf. Only Andy and I drank because Shawn was just recovering to become sober after being completely drunk while helping out his lecturer in college.. and just minutes later I felt this incredibly uncomfortable sensation in my body when my heart continued to pump at an abnormally fast rate. I recited a short tale where Poh Yuen was telling me some story about some time ago when she got really drunk and “felt like dying”.. right then, those three words rung true to me.

We ended up talking for a bit more at the living room.. and we were so lazy to get back home that we slept there at about 4am.

Woke up in the morning and went back at about 11.30am.

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What I told my parents this Monday morning – I thought I’d be filled with the deepest sense of relief. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be feeling when the deed was done, and while I was hovering in limbo in between emotional relief and confusion, what Yen talked to me last night had me incredibly shaken up. The zone of emotional void I was in prior to that talk became tangible, concrete, suddenly crystal clear and it was quickly replaced by a wave of sadness.

A life ahead filled with meaningless one night stands – I don’t want any of that. I don’t want to participate in those. But I know my own body never listens. Beyond this path that my self has laid out for me, I suddenly could smell the fumes of loneliness that lie ahead in a thick, suffocating smog.

Halfway through talking on the couch in the living room, I asked Andy quite suddenly – slightly inebriated by the whisky – if I could get a hug. And we did. As we held there for a minute under the dimmed lights in that platonic embrace, I felt myself close to tears. It was a long time I ever had a proper hug that breathes of security, that indicates, if anything, that I will be loved.