I was 12, then…

zomg. I’m hit by nostalgia. Again.

Pleasepleaseplease tell me why I spent my time googling one of my friends’ name when I was so bloody bored (just for fun ya know, not because I am some e-stalker >_>), only to stumble onto an ugly, plain-looking website deprived of all the aesthetics associated with beauty and prime such as this very site (*cough*).. but omg, can that ugly plain-looking site be mine, created more than 5 years ago!? (No link sorry, I’m just too embarassed.)

I had this ‘Photo Album’ section which contained only.. two pictures. These two pictures that opened the floodgates of nostalgia.

Geok Leng (zomg, to think she’s the queen of fashion now), Julia (sweet..), Ashiff (ol’ buddy), me (>_>), Benji (good ol’ Benji) and Haridas (whom I found guilty of stealing two of my Digimons).

And this is the caption that I had, verbatim:
The two pictures above show Julia, Geok Leng, Benji, Haridas, Ashiff and me at my house on October 1999 (5 Maju) for a Kajian Tempatan project. The project, of course, was completed but not as nice as we had thought. It’s a small hut-like thing made from ice-cream sticks, which are painted with those red-like ink.

And in my ‘About Me’ page, I found this picture:

That was me years ago. Compared that picture, and this:

Heh. >_>

OH and I was so in love with writing since I was young, that I had this compilation of extremely lame stories which I called Life at 6 Maju. Basically I poked fun at my primary school friends with these oh-so-imaginative colourful stories, all divided into chapters. I remembered printing them out and let my friends read them while I bask in their incessant (cruel) laughters - we kids used to be so bloody cruel and merciless in teasing. Apparently in the short introduction in my old website, Encik Sabil and Pn Ling (my primary school teachers) read them too.

Aishey, damn bodoh wei. But in the spirit of fun, sportingness and I’ve-nothing-better-to-do-at-1.45am, I’ll copy+paste a few chapters unchanged and unabridged (means all the silly spelling and grammatical errors are still there lah), and leave them for your perusal.

WARNING: IQ LEVELS MAY BE LOWERED. MENTAL RETARDATION PREDICTED.

Chapter 1: All About Tracy

It?s one fine Sunday evening. Tracy was in her house sleeping in a chair. Crack! Tracy leaps to her feet and stares gleefully at one of her eggs. She?s going to have a chick as a pet at last and she rubbed her hands in excitement, just what she did when acting the story, ?The Magic Brush? as Dame Lazybones. She waited patiently for the young animal to come out and the egg?s shell broken apart little by little and out come what she wanted for a long time.

But it?s not what she had expected! It turns out to be a small boy, “Just like Thumbelina,” she thought. The boy opens his eyes and tells her that he?s Daniel, one of the mysterious fairy-folks that is quite different than them.

Daniel gives a big yawn and starts to walk away but Tracy lovingly stopped him and picks him up. He scratches and bites but all his efforts fail. Tracy keep him in a jar and shouts at the top of her lungs, “I got him at last! Daniel is MINE!” as if she?s hysterical.

Daniel scratches his head and thinks for a while. He sees the other eggs slowly cracked into the same size of his and using the sign language, he asks them to release him from the ?cruel girl?. Successfully, Daniel was released.

Just as they are out of the door, Tracy spotted them and try to prevent them running away. Skillfully, they dodged her out of the way and were soon out of sight. Tracy gives a most heart-rending howl that it almost breaks Daniel?s heart but he firmly keeps running to get away from the ?cruel girl?.

The next day, she goes to school and her friends are shocked to see her tear-stained face. “What happen?” asked Geok Leng, who are always curious about this and that. “Your boyfriend leave you?” she said teasingly.

“Quite right,” Tracy replied, subdued.

“Who?”

“Well, I can?t tell you that.”

After persuading her, she said one simple word, ?Daniel.? That word made everyone laugh although they don?t know why. Going red in the face, Tracy walk towards her class located near the canteen and slams the bag on the chair.

Unfortunately to Tracy, things don?t seem very bright to her. Ashiff secretly heard the conversation and smiled a secret smile.

WAHH!! SO CREATIVE WAN!!! *sheds a tear* Wait there’s more.

Chapter 2: In 6 Maju

“Siapa tak hadir hari ini?” Puan Maisaroh, 6 Maju?s class teacher asked.

“Pontianaklah,” said Redzuan under his breath, but Puan Maisaroh half-heard what he said.

“Siapa tak hadir, Redzuan?” asked Puan Maisaroh again.

“Err?” he glanced through the class and replied, “Semua hadir.”

He sat down and went pondering over his school homework. Everyone was doing his or her work except for Tracy, who just gazed into the clock for nothing.

“Tracy!” called Puan Maisaroh, which made her jump. “Mengapa tak buat kerja?”

Immediately, she stopped daydreaming and start doing her work.

“Okay, berhenti sebentar. Cikgu mahu beri markah bagi Pemahaman,” said Puan Maisaroh, arranging the papers neatly.

She said the marks and names until it came to Redzuan?s turn.

“Redzuan, 68. Mengapa keputusan merosot ni?”

He felt as if he can?t believe his ears. All his hard work? gone. Trying to feel brave, he managed to walk the teacher?s desk and to his relief, it?s only 86.

“Tak adalah. Sebenarnya, 86.” teased Puan Maisaroh.

“Chin, lagi teruk. 48! Mengapa begini?” she asked.

Chin just smiled from the back and walked calmly towards teacher?s desk. To his disappointment, it?s really 48!

Everyone roared with laughter to see his surprised face. He walked high-and-mighty to his place and covered his face with the paper.

Puan Maisaroh spoke about Tracy?s marks and she walked out of the room, after correcting the papers there.

“Oh, yah!” shouted Ashiff from the back. “Talk about Tracy, I?ve got secret for you.”

He pushed Redzuan?s chair from the back and chattered along. Soon, the cat was let out of the bag and the whole school knows about it.

After an hour, Alina came back panting, together with Sakinah by her side. “Cikgu tak datang. Ada meeting.”

HOORAY! Everyone starts talking and the noise almost reached Court 6 at the other end.

The following one is actually quite ridiculous and I’m grimacing at it. And as a background to understand this particular story (the entire thing is unfathomable anyways), Chin was someone we disliked in our clique (who ironically was someone I once called as a ‘best friend’), and Geok Leng was utterly crazy over Andy Lau.. woe betide you should you choose to utter a single word against him.

Chapter 3: Chin?s Revenge

Soon, Chin with his interfering feathers came poking his beak at the girl?s group.

“You know ah, Andy Lau is getting old with his two front teeth!”

Geok Leng glared at him and beat him real hard. Chin tried to scuttle away but end up being thrown to the gigantic dustbin area near the canteen.

“Serves you right, Chicken!”

Chin tried to climb over the dustbin and soon everyone starts running away from him because of the mixed-up smell of rubbish, fish-bones, papers, burnt plastic, dung and all other disgusting things.

“Oh my gosh!” yelled Julia and shooed him away with a broom. Chin tumbled out of the class and was soon feeling mad. He planned an ultimate revenge that, so he thought, even Albert Einstein can?t even think of.

Soon, the news was out. In capital letters, ANDY LAU DIES appeared as headlines in Andy Lau Fan Newsletter, The Star, Malay Mail, News Strait Times and so on.

Everyone was shocked to see Geok Leng?s tear-stained face that is even worse than Tracy. Even Chin was surprised at her face. He doesn?t think that she will get that upset. Nothing would comfort her and she planned to runaway to Hong Kong to attend his funeral.

Apparently, Chin has bribed every single newsletter, every media, with US$1 Million if they, as simple as that, showed a simple article about few people for different days.

For the next few days, BSB DIES IN ACCIDENT appeared too, followed up by N?SYNC IN PRISON and few more others about other people?s fans.

Soon, the whole class was flooded in tears as all, yes, almost all of their favourite singers, actors, artistes, athletes and etc. was in great danger, in prison, dies and so on.

Julia broke down too but she has a very suspicious mind. “All of out favourite celebrities are all in certain trouble in few days! There?s something fishy about this.”

She took a look at the whole classroom and everyone was too busy crying. She did not suspect Chin as Chin dared to pretend in front of everyone but no one took notice of him.

She got an idea at last. She gathered her usual gang, Geok Leng, Angie, Alina and Xin Min together with the other boy-gang, Ashiff and others. They discuss about the matter and all of them agree that it?s too suspicious. Geok Leng managed to get Andy Lau?s personal home telephone number and called him but managed to get a reply in Cantonese, “Sei? Lei seilah! (Mati? Awak matilah!)”

Others managed to get their favourite groups? telephone number but failed to know about the trouble each time. This proves that their favourite celebrities are still alive and they are happy over that matter.

Once more, Julia kept her ultimate plan against the liar?s ultimate plan. She make the whole class write their favourite celebrities, even Chin was included which he feels very funny as Julia was not friendly to him.

It proves out at last. Julia took every single copy of newspaper about every single trouble of the celebrities. All of the whole class? celebrities were in the newspapers except, Chin?s.

The next day, Julia looked grimly at Chin. She had already told the whole class about Chin?s trouble making plan and they promised to whack him for it.

The chance had arrived at last. Surprisingly, another meeting was held for the teachers so the whole class has a chance to teach Chin a good lesson.

Redzuan started first. He used the ?Durian Thorns? which poked Chin terribly, Ashiff used ?Penguin Poisoned Meat?, Tracy with ?Rotten Eggs?, Alina with ?Ghost Stare? which stares Chin to almost the heart-attack point, Angie with ?Cupid Arrow?, Syed with ?Rhino Thorn?, Khairi with ?Curry Splash?, Geok Leng with ?Andy Lau Kung-Fu? and other twenty different types from twenty different people.

Julia delivered the ?Final Blow?. She slapped, smacked, whacked, beat, punched, poked, kicked and he flew over to SJMC, landed in with all kinds of bruises, scorches, scratches and dirty smells. He was not a very good person after all.

...

It gets stupider than the last, and I feel strongly that this particular chapter (the last one I’m gonna post, since I don’t want to leave the impression that I was once a really stupid, naive child) should be posted since it’s at least u8-related, a year after I left school and was pining after my old friends.

Chapter 17: Urea Harbor

Today is 11 January 2001. This is the day where no one will forget, the historical day of all, where battles happened and costed millions of life. And it all started with innocent little teenagers in school.

The students are getting restless, with teachers kept screaming and shouting and getting themselves hated more and more. Who will not forget the popular quote, “Kelas 1A bodoh! - seperti saya!” by a particular Mat Romeo? At last, they couldn’t stand it anymore, students of all over the world plotted through the advanced technology of handphones and e-mails.

They decided to use SMK USJ 8 and SMK USJ 13 as the main base, and following the recent release of the show Pearl Harbor, they thought of the name Urea Harbor for these two schools. The students stole millions of gunpower and gunpowder, stored inside the cupboards of each class in Urea Harbor.

The attack started in SMK USJ 8 first. And the plot started in an innocent class - 1 Arif. The class decided to make lots of noise to attract the attention of Mat Romeo who was teaching 1B. Pearing through the hole at the back of the class, Lim Wai Hong was able to see that Mat Romeo is storming to our class at the back door. Everyone prepared their rifles, locked it ready and when Mat Romeo opened the door and was about to say that famous quote, “Kelas 1A... Uh…” he stopped as he saw 28 glaring faces and rifles pointed straight at him.

“Not a word,” said Clement, the monitor. “Perempuan bersisik, no, uh, sorry, Geok Leng, tie him up. Shawn, stuff up the newspaper in his mouth.”

Mat Romeo was thrown at the backdoor. Pupils from 1B joined in and Ryui-Bynn grabbed additional rifles for their class. Geok Leng grabbed her walky-talky she sneeked it to the school and said, “Base to Alvendra. Mission done. Over.” and got a reply, “Alvendra to Base. Mission completed. School conquered. Over.”

The 40 teachers were soon dragged to the Biology lab and the geniuses from Form 3, who created bombs and acidic substances put it near them, threathen to set them off if the teachers ever made a noise. Then, the ketua of the group, Clement (hehe :P) took his own walky-talky and turn it on. “Base to Base 2. Mission accomplished. How’s the other side?” and Khairi’s voice was heard at the other end. “Base 2 to Base. Mission accomplished. But bad news, military approaching,” he said and whispered, “Apparently, one of our teachers tried to call your school and heard all of this commotion through the telephone and managed to call the tentera to come and attack our base. Over.”

“Okay, no problem. Just get your group ready and we’ll get ready the Secret Weapon. Over.”

Stores and piles of rifles, M-19s, magnums, gatling guns, rocket launchers, snipers and shotguns are prepared. “Lim, pass me the Secret Weapon remote control.” The remote control is small, and just contained one red button. It was created by top geniuses who are students in the US, and was sent to here by post. Clement pressed it, and a loud rumbling occured. The next-door Sekolah Kebangsaan Seafied (3) was demolished with a loud KA-BOOM! and SMK USJ 13 appeared in its place.

Students from both schools joined up forces, and the Form 1s especially, are happy to see their old friends once more. Now, with two ketuas, Khairi and Clement, nothing can go wrong. All of the students knew what to do, and they took their positions. Jessica and Hwee Yeen of 1 Arif, took their 1000x binoculars and managed to see that the military have arrived in the empty field, where SMK USJ 13 was used to be. The military soon got reports from the residents that SMK USJ 13 magically appeared next to SMK USJ 8 and soon head towards here.

The Urea Air Rebel Forces, yang terdiri daripada Alina Abdul Halim, Tracy, Angie, Catherine, Ika and Xin Min of SMK USJ 13 together with Jessica, Hwee Yeen and Geok Leng of SMK USJ 8 joined forces with each other to create the group. The Urea Air Rebel Forces (UARF) are 9 students sitted in one huge gigantic helicopter which hovers around, and have three gatling solar-powered guns attached to it, controlled by three students each.

Khairi, holding the walky-talky soon got a reply from the UARF. “Military approaching fast, by both air and land. Get ready. Over.” Every students scrambled and took their places. The UARF attacked the air forces of the military with sounds of bullets echoing. Soon, everyone could hear Geok Leng screaming from the helicopter, “WHAT IS THE BUTTON FOR SHOOT!?!?”

Enemy helicopters and aeroplanes, the Kosong (as in Zero of the Japanese in Pearl Harbor) was taken down and smashed to pieces. Huge tanks soon approached and you could hear nothing but “SHOOT! TEMBAK! MARA! GO FORWARD!”. It was a really confusing sight, and screams from the enemies could be heard while not a single student of the Urea Harbor is hurt.

Soon, the ketua of the military quickly called, “We can’t do it! They’re too strong! Call other countries for help!”. At last, the whole of Malaysia was involved in the attack, and Ashiff from the MRSM in Perak managed to call in to the walky-talky in Urea Harbor. “Ha! Ha! This plan worked! The teachers are now held as hostage and the whole of Perak is now in total chaos.”

NATO, the No Action Talk Only group poked their fat noses where the problem doesn’t concern theirs, tried to help and their whole American military based was demolished, after the Urea Harbor released the UARF to drop atomic bombs on top of their faces. All over the world, the countries suffered riot and everyone were in danger.

Soon, the telephone rings in the Urea Harbor and the call was expected. Khairi picked up the phone and heard the voice coming through, “I am Dr. Mahathir. I want your Urea Harbor nonsense to stop now. We will give you anything your group want as long as you stop. “NO WAY! We won’t stop and so be it!” shouted Khairi and banged the phone.

All of students go trigger-happy and shoot more and more soldiers that approached. Piles of bodies became mountainaous, and some mengenang this as “Sedikit-sedikit, lama-lama jadi bukit.” Suddenly, screams shot out from the UARF helicopter, as the 1000 over countries joined forces to millions of military soldiers and equipments managed to shoot the helicopter and it came crashing down.

The 9 girls yelled their heart out, and jumped out from the helicopter. Alina cried as the weight of her pontianak hair pulled her down faster than the rest. Redzuan, who transformed into a badak quickly jumped up to save her but Alina landed right on his rhino thorn and cried in pain, and have to be brought to the Urea Hospital, and menjalani urea transfusion to save her from the loss of pontianak blood.

Tracy screamed like mad, but, seeing her heavy and big size, not even a single person reached out to save her. But Gudev, seeing her falling tried to reach out to her but she pummeled down on the ground and was brought to the Urea Hospital, at the heart of Urea Harbor. Angie, yelled out, “FOOK SIANG! Come on and save me! Damn it!” but she fell right at the Urea Hospital bed.

Catherine and Xin Min fortunately have a parachute attached, but they got tangled up with each other and fell right in the longkang, where they are pulled up and have to be sent to Urea Hospital. Ika, yelled out and screamed. Khairi, who spotted her quickly threw the walky-talky at Clement and jumped up to save her from crushing down. Another unfortunate thing happened, as Ika landed right on top of Khairi and in the confusion, somehow, they got tangled up with each other. This incident was soon called as kari ikan and will be remembered forever.

Jessica and Hwee Yeen, however, yelled, hugged and clutched each other tightly and were probably the worst victims. Lim Wai Hong and Eugene Lee, saw both of them falling down and berebut-rebut to save them, pushed each other and gave each other a punch on the face, until the two girls smashed through the ground, bringing Lim and Eugene together with them.

Geok Leng screamed, “SAVE ME SOMEONE!” and the rest, just sniggered at her, remembering her cruel treatments before, and some yelled out nicknames to her while she is falling, “Tenggiling! Kai-keok! Perempuan bersisik! Cipans!”. Shawn took a baseball bat he found which miraculously appeared, get ready a good aim, and while she is about to touch the ground, smash her till she flies to the sky and the enemies tried to gun her down. While falling to the field, she heard shrieks of “Hey! It’s HOME RUN!” and she knocked the breath out of her when she fell straight on the hard, solid floor. Surprisingly, she still had the energy to wake up and walk, and heard whispers “She got sisik what, of course can survive-lah.” around her.

The gunned down UARF helicopter smashed at houses nearby, causing big explosions. Danus kept shouting, “Damn us! Damn us!” without realizing what he had said. At last, with the laws of nature, the whole battle stopped at last. The 9 planets alligned with each other, and making the perfect straight line in the planetary system, which happened once in a purple moon, stopped the whole thing mysteriously. The weapons, snipers, rifles and all were snatched up and it flew to space and were burned, while everything was resuming to the normal state. SMK USJ 13 returned to its original place, the pasukan tentera vanished to their own countries and though some students remembered this incident, it was like a dream. A dream to destroy schools that was never achieved.

..Wow, and I was actually shortlisted for IMPAC Dublin?