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I’m at a cybercafe in Khaosan Road, Soi Rambuttri, using a coin-operated computer that goes for 20 minutes for 10baht (~RM1). The past few days of fishing, shopping, visiting the red-light district have been amazing, hazy, filled me with something that I only describe as internal emotional battles.

It’s strange that I always have that innate desire to go online when travelling, when really, I should be out there on the cloudy Bangkok streets exploring and immersing in the culture that’s unlike Malaysia. I’ll show photos and insert long-winded posts when I get back, but I dunno how long that would take me as I’ve a test to sit for the week after I come back, and post-processing photos really take ages.

There are many levels in my relationship that I already cannot tell. I need reassurances, and I need to know, and I need to talk, and I need to understand. Sometimes this felt surreal – that we’re in two entirely different worlds because there are vast differences between us, but in that single night we gravitated towards each other. We both wanted it to work, but maybe I should’ve said ‘no’ and skipped all this inanity that followed.

Heh what the hell am I mumbling in this cybercafe alone. The countdown timer of the computer now blinks red rapidly below 5 minutes, and time is running out. I’ve no coins left, my friends are probably waiting for me in the room of our guesthouse, and I’m still very lost.

And by the way, the go-go bar was a blast. Dancing girls in the bikinis didn’t fancy me in the least, but talking to them and a couple of aunties were frigging hilarious that had me laughing the most number of times in this trip. It was the high from the two Singha bottles, and I was happy. For that moment, I was unnaturally happy.