Look ahead

I read some news earlier about this young woman who endured several cancers and tumours, had a large part of her intestine and rectum removed, and other several horrible operations that if THAT were to happen to me, I would have asked for euthanasia. I can never ever stand staying in hospital more than a few days, much less WEEKS of being hospitalised and going for gazillions of ops.

No, instead, she braved the odds when given 6 months to live, and even in her condition she’s doing charity work and stuff, as she thinks that’s the happiest point of her life, and all of us, regardless how much life in us we have left, should live to the fullest.

I’m amazed. Define ‘live life to the fullest’ though. At times when I stop to think solitarily, it’s horrid how I felt whatever I’m doing is worthless. It brings a complete stop and a question mark as to the purpose of what we’re doing. Why am I in school? Why am I playing an online game where I spend hours in a virtual world killing virtual cute green monsters, when a freak server accident might occur during an abnormal tsunami occurence and wipe out everything I’ve earned in the process? Why on earth do people encourage each other to continue living, when euthanasia seems to be the better choice? Why live at all?

Ah, the enigmatic question of the ‘meaning of life’. No meaning really. Living through each day, breathing and living and experiencing the newest of things, with the various dreams and goals I hope to fulfill – that’s enough answer why I’m still here – to look forward to new things each day, to get by each day.

I would have slit my wrist years ago. Or do something really stupid (is suicide stupid, really?). But somehow I’m still living, breathing, I’m still here.

Well..Blue house effectively lost today with its poor show of almost every single event that I’m ashamed to be associated by it. Supported Purple house today instead, in their tug-of-war event. Thevadass, his strength and dedication to sports, never ceased to amaze me; so does Heng Li.

I look forward to good new music, new amazing movies (and sequels), Granado Espada to be released, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children to be released, maintaining the same ol’ friendship or make new ones, backpacking, travelling, driving, bungee-jumping, new games. Too many things? Naive?

Sole reason I’m here. There’s always something to look forward to.