Pre-trip phobias

I have several unwanted companions lately – they follow me around when I’m cuddling beneath my bed sheets, when I sit on the prominent porcelain throne of my bathroom, and when I lie on Andy’s fabric sofa. It’s almost like a panic attack, I suddenly feel enveloped and shrouded with fear, nervousness, and excitement all at once without a moment’s notice, and all these cause my heart to thump faster for almost no reason at all.

Well yes, there’s a reason – my upcoming Cambodia/Vietnam trip. Even though I’m very much excited about the prospect of an international destination for the first time in my life – never mind that it’s a third world country that has only recently concluded its blasphemous war, with live mines and malaria dominating it – the idea of being alone on my first night there haunts me for some particular reason.

Hell, it’s probably nothing – the entries of Cambodia I read online and an e-mail I received from a guy I contacted noted that “Cambodia is beautiful, and its people are beautiful”, but that doesn’t really stop me from having images of being swamped and robbed by begging kids flooding my head when I close my eyes. That doesn’t stop me from having odd visions of having my camera stolen by my tuk-tuk driver when I ask him to take a picture of myself with rustic ol’ Angkor Wat in the background.

Hilarious how your mind plays tricks on you – but I dunno, maybe it’s a combination of the stress I’m feeling building up all of a sudden (exams) when I was studying at Andy’s new apartment earlier today. Maybe, just maybe I’m not ready for this huge trip, for a guy whose any real international experience was when he was a little embryo in his mother’s womb. Or maybe I’m being passively frightened when your friends wish for Airasia’s plane to crash so that they can have a slice on whatever meager thing I own. >_>”

In other news, I’ve bought 2 Murakami novels today as my two travelling companions courtesy of Suet’s constant suggestions – Norwegian Wood, and Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World – and somehow that calms me, and make me happily contented. :)