Recurrence

On Monday at about 3pm, Suet fetched me, Shawn, Ding, and Kai Shen to 1Utama where we were supposed to do our spot of shopping. Things went wrong when we ended up at Shah Alam yet again (thanks to Shawn) and Glenmarie (thanks to me). We managed to reach 1U at about 5pm-ish. I’m not exactly in the mood for detailing what happened so a few pictures would suffice.

This cool-looking car at the WH Boutique.

While waiting for Suet.

Random fooling around with me piggybacking him.

This love test machine thingy didn’t really work although it only costs 20 sen. Shawn entered 20 sen and what came out wasn’t any results, but 40 sen!

Huhu proof.

After Suet finished camwhoring in the dressing room of Forever 21 for what seemed like hours, we went to Murni at SS2.. it was the first time we’ve ever sat inside the restaurant/_mamak_ since it was traditionally packed to the brim always, with tables and chairs lining up at the sidewalk. Food was sinfully delicious and very filling as always.

Finally reached home at almost 10pm.

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Life could be danged funny sometimes. Not funny funny, but funny in a curious sort of way. Amusing.

I was up at about 10am since there wasn’t any college today, and spent a good part of my morning working on my oral topic to be memorised and regurgitated next Tuesday, with at least two assignments to get them done soon.

Mum knocked on my door at about noon, and I opened it like I always did, and was slightly taken aback by her tear-stained face with the words, “It wasn’t a good news” coming out of her mouth.

My mum went for a minor operation on her ear recently, and a biopsy was performed on suspicious red dots found inside. Results were out today, and. It wasn’t a good news.

“They said it was recurring cancer.”

I could feel my heart sinking, sinking, and I didn’t know what to think. She further told me smilingly between her tears that they weren’t sure how far it had spread but if she was lucky, it could only be in Stage 1, which meant the cancer was localised. She said the cancer cells are at the exact same spot as 3 years ago.

She said she wasn’t that afraid of the treatment anymore, but since her scanning and treatments were supposedly more advanced than before (less side effects, etc), they are going to be even more expensive. She was worried financially.

She was worried because the PET CT scan she was supposed to go for this Friday will cost RM7000 and the future radiotherapy treatment will cost another staggering RM30000. Where do we source for that kind of money?

Apparently because my dad’s company’s medical insurance only covers each individual for RM30000 a year, she said it wouldn’t be enough since the aforementioned costs of the treatment have yet to include medication, follow-up check-ups, etc.

I’m still in college, and my younger brother would soon have to go to college.

I’m so clueless, so lost, so positively calm yet I still have that nagging fear of being pulled into a rollercoaster ride of terror again. I don’t want to relive my Form 3 days when it was very emotionally taxing for all of us.

My mum found my dad, a man of steel and stubbornness, with tears rolling down his cheeks on the way back from the hospital. And we’ve never seen him crying before.

The ENT doctor told my mum she’d have to live with the danger of a recurrence no matter how well her diet was.

My mum would have to take leave soon to rest for about 2 months, and I’d be contributing about RM1000 monthly for the family’s expenses, probably for good. Some people asked why I’m so particularly thrifty, but with things like this that happened, how can I not be?

I’m seeing a further reduction on food like McD’s and Secret Recipe and whatnot, and cafeteria food for life. I don’t suppose it would be hard to adjust to a life with lesser pleasures as I’ve already done it before, but still.

Shawn was the first person I told this to when he dropped by my house earlier (keeping this all inside would make me go stark mad), and ironically enough, 3 years ago he was the first person I told about my mum as well.

I’m trying my damned best to keep a straight face, look up, be as tearless as possible for my mum lest she was affected by this. Funny that, amidst all these, I still have to worry about the fucking presentation next Tuesday.