The Investment

Watched Mukhsin today after college with Andy, meeting up with Jess and Suet at Summit. A detailed review can be found in the previous link at the beginning of this text, and if there’s really a piece of diamond in a sea of endless maelstroms, Mukhsin has to be it.

I personally love this movie the best of the three Yasmin Ahmad films I’ve watched thus far – simple, sweet, short.

There’s also this beautiful poem tucked in somewhere in the film, written in Chinese by Orked:

从我听到自己的初恋故事那一刻起
我开始寻找你，对于这有多盲目
一无所知。

爱人们并不最终在某处相见。
他们始终与彼此为伴。

And the quoted original,

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.

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There’s this investment that most people plan to do in their lifetime – maybe they don’t plan, maybe it’s a natural progression. Some start it off early when they’re young, and some when they’re grown up when chances bloom at the ‘right’ time.

I started investing since primary school – 9 or 12, I don’t quite remember – and after these failed investments I took a hiatus till years later when I deemed myself mature enough.

And that was when I lost myself heavily in these investments, I lost myself, I lost my soul, and not cornily I lost my common sense. These investments I took quite seriously enough that any wrong move would begin hurting me in ways unimaginable, of hurt that only the investor knows.

Different people invest in different manners, but me, for me, I give my all – everything: body, emotionally, time, energy, financially. It’s not too far off if I say I began losing sense – because already I felt mindless, a part of me slowly decaying inside.

I’m sure at this point you’re beginning to wonder what fucking huge gold trade I’m investing in. And that gold mine, my friend, is called love.

Suddenly all the overused phrases that I thought were redundant and inapplicable to me seemed real – the most applicable in my case is “love is blind”. Because one day when my innards were wrecked beyond repair, I came to this enlightened realisation, ala Buddha, that it just wasn’t worth it.

Actually yes I’m lying to myself – quite badly – if I say that I no longer care.

I’m trying to get past this little hurdle, trying to be compelling ignorant, trying to just forget – and having watched Mukhsin’s little ending seems to be helping that.

Despite the stones of obstacles thrown about most people’s paths, most invest quite easily, as if it’s second nature. But alas for me, my second nature demands for a different investment that I imagine would be that proverbial road to kingdom come.

I’m hoping this would be the last entry I’m dabbling in this terrible topic of cupid arrows ‘cause I really need to move on.

But first, I need to get rid of that fucking pink shirt.