Writing your way out of hysteria

Celcom presentation today. Fun fact: Jon and I sneaked out of school through a hidden back gate and walked to his house to get some files that we’re missing for the presentation. The presentation’s okay; as usual I screwed up my speech pretty much ‘cause I’m pretty nervous and clueless. Suet was like, almost yelling at me for not finishing “Home” (which is Jon’s work anyway) and during presentation when it wasn’t finished at all, I think nobody really cared.

For some reason today, I have that sunken feeling of depression. After I thought I had finally conquered it, it came again. Having too much load on your shoulders ain’t that good…all I want is um..I dunno, appreciation?

This Celcom thing is literally driving me nuts. Yeah it shouldn’t be that hard right? I mean, you just copy+paste edited articles and that’s it, do a few pansy easy layouts till past midnight, when you’re supposed to study for the upcoming exams. I had to fulfil expectations from my parents, teachers and friends – and that’s so contributing to the ever-mounting pressure.

It’s like, what if I fail? What if my grades dropped? That’s not gonna be the end of the world, ‘course not, but I might have some of my priviliges taken away – like hanging out past midnight without my parents bombarding me with their naggings, ‘cause they know I can handle my studies unlike my bro (or, can I?)

I’m not pointing at anyone. I’m just damned incapable in handling stress. My way to de-stress? Fool around like an idiot and make people laugh. Maybe I’m too..quiet for that. Too stupid, too ugly.

“Writing your way out of hysteria.” That was one of the main plots in the book I lent to Suet, “most of us are here against our will”. I’m writing my way out of this feeling; self-therapy.

I think that the best thing about being me is that, after I had a good few hours of sleep, I’ll forget whatever junk I write here.