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Very short post since I’m leaving house in 5 hours’ time, and got some final stuffs I need to work on.

• Went badminton last Tuesday with Andy, Sarah, RB, Jon & Ee Leen at USJ 1. We went to the pasar malam behind 3K beforehand, as we thought the badminton’ll be off due to full bookings, but we went to RB’s suggested place anyway. Ding and Kai Tzin dropped by for a short while to watch us play.
• Went to Taipan’s Strawberry Fields to meet up with Matt and Albert (my Bangkok partners) along with Albert’s girlfriend and another friend of theirs who were there. Also spotted May Yee and Poh Yuen earlier before Matt and Albert arrived, so I went over to have a chat with them, looking really tanned. After discussing for about an hour about Bangkok, I went over to Andy’s house to lepak a while.
• Watched Red Cliff, Part 1 with Andy at Summit on Wednesday – it was a little draggy, but a fun watch nonetheless when you get to see amazing war strategies being executed. Quite a good lead-up to the 2nd part, which was due to be released end of this year or something.
• Then went badminton again after the movie with Andy, Sarah, RB, and Ding. USJ 1 courts and elsewhere are completely full.. so RB suggested Kota Kemuning WTF and we went in 3 cars like petrol was dirt cheap wtf. After being guaranteed by RB it’ll take only 10 minutes to reach there and there were definitely empty courts, we went there (it took nearly 30 mins due to the jam) only to find that we actually needed to go to the Majlis Perbandaran Shah Alam to pay and book the courts wtf. But RB managed to sweet-talk the pakcik there who then allowed us to use it.
• Went out yesterday with Alvin in search of dance schools – we went to 2 in Taipan, and 1 in Sunway. Alvin is keen on Sunway as they have hot instructors wtf (which I can attest to) what a perverted reason to go dancing for – though I’m OK with that school, they didn’t offer Latin, but only Hip Hop. I cannot imagine myself doing Hip Hop – like, that is damn cool, yo.
• Ding just dropped by my house with Mei Yee (outside the gates anyway) just a few minutes ago to pass some McD’s onion rings and chocolate sundae that he had extra after phoning me earlier if I’d like sundaes wtf damn random.

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Leaving from house to meet up with the rest of my Bangkok partners at Summit in less than 5 hours time. I’m excited, also partially because we’re planning to do stuffs I didn’t get to do when I was in Bangkok with Siew Kiat, such as:

– getting massages by nubile girls wtf
– going to go-go bars watching fairly harmless stripteases

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My first relationship is an LDR.

Sighh. It’s not going to be easy, it’s hardly conventional, but then there’s no harm in trying to see if it’ll work out. For now, I’ll soak up in the moment.

Sorry another quick and short pictorial post – college makes me really really busy as of late.

Last Wednesday I went to watch Hellboy 2: The Golden Army with Yen and Andy – it was a 7.30pm show, but I had to go early alone to buy the tix first as Andy had to help his mum clean the san toi and thus had to ask Yen to pick him up later on instead.

It was an entertaining show if you’ve had no expectations – I’ve already forgotten the events of the first movie, but it’s been produced in such a way that even if you hadn’t watched the first, you’d still enjoy it as a standalone on its own right.

Then after the show.. dropped by Andy’s house to lepak for a while to talk. Have been doing that a lot in recent weeks.

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On last Friday morning, Geok Leng picked me up in her car, with Andy and Sarah already inside, and we left for Pyramid’s Zanmei Sushi – Ding came by himself and met us there shortly after we arrived. There were also two baby cockroaches running across our table WTF and we requested to switch tables. Our u8 junior, Ting, who was interning there, told us they recently had pest control and all manners of bugs were coming out of hiding.

Geok Leng and Sarah, snapped at 1/25, f/2.8. BORING TECHNICAL DETAILS: And I was snapping at that speed with my hands alone (without the use of tripod), so I’m pretty amazed how sharp the pic turned out to be – which meant that my hands are pretty non-shaky :D (assisted with IS, of course).

Sorry for the lack of proper updates. After writing two pieces of short fictions, I found myself deluged with college work (screw you Price Theory, and Quantitative Analysis that’s harder than Add Maths that I had to ask Jess how to do a particular differentiation tutorial-assignment question just two hours ago while she was online from McD) and am heavily involved in a particular thing called “life”.

That, plus I also discovered that Red Bull fucks up my brain for some reason, after the ‘success’ I had enjoyed last Thursday. When I took it on Thursday.. I discovered that – to the best of my ability to describe how exactly I felt – my mind was sitting in limbo between mental fatigue and alertness; I was soo very tired but incredibly alert at the same time. I thought this weird fog that’s clouding my brain would clear up as the day progressed, but nothing of that sort happened and yeah I felt pretty much crappy mentally up till a few hours ago. :/

Up to the point that even though I watched the awesome movie of the year that is The Dark Knight, my brain was too tired to even be able to remotely enjoy it. :/ My emotions were detached yet I was able to recognise what a top-notch movie it was, sigh I probably am making no sense.

I’ll put up pictures when I’ve a little more time on my hands on the next entry.

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That 4am drive from Kuala Lumpur was intensely calming after that crazy confusion and headiness in 1846. The intensity was such that it clears up that weird Red Bull-induced fog in my head for that short period of time, and then it began to rain. Drops came dropping silently on my windscreen, splashing transparent graffiti all over it – a quiet downpour in a sleeping city at 4am. And then OneRepublic’s Goodbye Apathy played randomly from my playlist from my iPod, and that sense of serenity was multiplied.

Have you ever been at KL at 4am while it was raining?

The streets were so deathly quiet that it was nothing compared to the sardine-packed jams that KL is infamous for. I could slow down my car before the road splits into two to look at the signboard placed right before the junction, which again I’d like to stress had moot point when it should be placed at least 500 metres before the junction to enable us to plan our driving slightly far ahead. I could drive at whatever pace I wanted, and in that period of crazy morning when the majority were sound asleep in my bed, I was the only few roaming the streets in a car.

I didn’t have difficulties once when exiting KL, when prior to that I was lost for an hour on entering it. There was something mystical about KL and its street lamps with its yellow lights and its deserted roads that stretched about haphazardly like spider webs and the few taxis that were still up and running.

Maybe when I couldn’t sleep the next time or for whatever inane reason (and when petrol is considerably cheaper), I’ll bring my camera along for a photoshoot at 4am in KL.

I sat on the banks of the flow of time, its incredibly calm waves – bordering on the unnatural – smoothly moving forwards in its own one way agenda. If one were to float atop it, you would be carried to the limitless horizon ad infinitum, and there would one stay until one decides to leave. I closed my eyes, and the only sounds I could hear were my own deep intake of breaths, and in the absolute silence, the slow huffs and puffs from my nose were magnified.

I felt the same dull pain in my chest as the slow passing memories evoked it. It had been living inside me for as long as I realised its existence, so much so that whenever it resurfaced, the only thing that I could afford to do was to take a deep breath. Release it. Inhale. Exhale. And the memories that reside in my head would play forth any random one of you – and I’d feel that ache.

But I still smiled when that particular bit replayed in my head – it was as if I have a stack of unarranged recorded tapes and my head would choose one at random to play over in my mind. That bit was when we were at the fast food restaurant with the twin golden arches, and I felt that faint hint of connection when we talked things out frankly. And that one time when we shared the single melting Baskin Robbin’s chocolate chip cone – I smiled longingly. When the thought returned to when we waged our Cold War with one another, my lips curled into a sad smile.

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Lately I’ve been walking towards the dark, back alleys in my neighbourhood and sat down with my knees up and my back against the wall, next to the pile of aging rubbish bins. The strong stench of rotten organics and dead rats permeated the air, and no one in their right mind would get 10 metres within the vicinity. But I wasn’t in the right mind.

I stopped there and got accustomed to filling my lungs with the foul air – have anyone noticed that no matter how ridiculously smelly an area is, breathe that air long enough and you’d be wondering why you complained about it in the first place. The alley was lightless and that one zone where mothers warn their children about robbers and sinister characters, but I didn’t encounter a single soul.

I sat within the darkest point of the alley, the shadows of the walls enveloping me in total darkness. There was no moon, with a handful of faint stars hanging against the vast landscape of the night sky like forgotten Christmas ornaments. Sitting there calmed my nerves and soothed that dull ache in my chest – my thoughts formed in absolute clarity as I peered into my soul.

Only once did I actually encounter anyone at all. A couple from the nearby pub wandered unsteadily into my alley, ignoring the filthy stench that lingered about like a bad dream – their senses probably dulled by their heavy inebriety. Their lips interlocked messily and slurped, his hands on her small delicate breasts, her hands groping his jeans. Their heavy breathing were loud enough to cover my own and they didn’t notice me – I was shrouded in the darkness after all.

The missus went on her knees, her long-flowing skirt shielding her kneecaps against the rough surface of the floor, unzipped his jeans and fumbled with his briefs, and took out his appendage of average size. I was still sitting down with my knees against my chest, and I watched them with as much interest as I would have over ants ferrying their food into their sandy nest. I watched their lustful endeavours, with an amused realisation that I was then a voyeur.

They reminded me of you.

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Did you remember that first e-mail I sent to you that started this all? I pondered over the appropriate words to use in my repertoire, rewrote that short paragraph several times again and again before I thought “Screw it” and went with whatever my heart felt was right.

To: [e-mail address omitted]
Subject: Hello

Hey.

It was nice meeting you earlier at Starbucks. Thanks for lending me your laptop charger when I forgot to bring mine. Can’t believe my luck that someone had the exact same laptop model as mine and had an extra charger lying around.

Can I get to know you more?

I clicked ‘Send’ with no hesitation without thinking of the repercussions that would follow, and didn’t expect a reply. But 5 hours later your e-mail came and caught me by surprise, half-expecting you to ignore such a corny little mail.

To: [e-mail address omitted]
Subject: RE: Hello

Yes sure. :)

That was the e-mail that started this spiralling mess of tangled emotions, of little purple slimes of jealousy, of my unwavering investment on you.

The pain in my chest gnawed against the surface, trying to claw its way out like a trapped, frightened gopher. I’ve now stood up by the shores of time, its immaterial waves gently cruising down every which way.

I made up my mind – my resolve was resolute. Without spending a second more on thinking I dived headfirst into time and swam back to when I was about to e-mail you. I had to stop myself from clicking that ‘Send’ button and shield myself from the confused hurt that followed; I had to stop myself from from knowing you, from pursuing you, from loving you.

I’ve had a bad day yesterday, followed by a sequence of events that seemed to have awakened a part of me that was never meant to be summoned.

As I reeled through the waves of rejection and dejection that compounded in me, I received a phone call that lasted for 1 hour 11 minutes and 40 seconds exactly – a long talk, the longest I had in a decade probably – that entertained me, injected me with philosophical ponderings and highly intellectual, mature discussions about certain characteristics of people. At the end of the talk, I emerged from the dark blanket of something that I can only describe as a necessary evil that people do cloak themselves with – a cocktail of ruefulness, dissatisfaction, with a faint drop of helplessness – and I felt none the better.

But as the starless night went on, a few actions from the people I care about seemed to stroke that ugly part of me hidden in my core – a grotesque being that overshadowed my self momentarily and it was all I could do to restrain it by keeping myself to my thoughts. It would either explode out to the open, or implode, but in the moments of lapse of restrain on my part – perhaps due to the fact I’ve ingested two cans of Carlsberg – I let this other self out snappily.

Before I knew it, the deed was done, but still I did not waver nor regret. That uncalculated outburst was the result of suppressing all the violently disturbing features of my self, with the aforementioned potent cocktail bringing all that out of hiding, and in retrospect it was awful. A faint twang of regret surfaced the next morning, but that was all there was to it: I regretted what I did, but because it felt as if it was something not my real self had done, the regret was all too minimal – it’s as if I was feeling sorry for something that a complete stranger had done, on his behalf.

But of course, if the action I implied was a murder or something far more sinister – it wouldn’t be a very convincing testimony of my innocence, would it? But I shall make no attempt to further realign sympathetic views to my cause, because I truly believe in every word I’m committing down here.

It was strange for all these to happen, especially after the hour-long caller told me that I was a weird person he wanted to research on – a living human, social experiment, if you will. I was far from being insulted, because there are many finer points of life that only he and I met eye-to-eye with, or the little things that ordinary, lay people would never give a passing thought to, concerning themselves with menial aspects of the world.

It also felt then, as if I have a new housemate in this Weirdville – and that I’m living two separate lives parallel to one another: an ordinary, college-going guy going about mundane routines who share the same pie in the social collective of thoughts, and a guy with non-conforming thoughts that no one, except the rare few, could enthuse with.

It was made known to me that quite a few people thought that I’m a drug addict. And if the choices of life had not turn me to this clean, non-drug using path, I wouldn’t be surprised if I turned out differently – because having dabbled once in this social taboo, I found myself drawn to it and the high that cannot be reproduced by alcohol.

And today, especially after immersing myself into Murakami’s The Wind-up Bird Chronicle world to the end, I felt as if, for better or for worse, the vile part of me was cleansed away, bringing with it the few good parts I had. It was like a radiotherapy treatment: in order to exorcise cancerous cells, the good cells in the vicinity were obliterated as well.

Those foul feelings that have once occupied the recesses of my heart were now gone, leaving nary a bitter aftertaste. It felt as if they had never been there, but I recognise that they have once existed – like distant memories of the past that you vaguely remember but cannot be grappled concretely.

Whilst walking back to my house earlier in the transitioning period of twilight with a red plastic of chicken rice in my right hand, an enlightening thought descended upon me like a light being switched on. That the possible reason that my train of thoughts were nearly always distracted and lose the focus of concentration as I talk or relate a recent incident, was probably because I could not multi-task, a realisation brought forward to me indirectly from yesterday’s hour-long phone call. I realised that words could come to me quite naturally if they merely reside in my head, allowing my brain to concentrate at that task on hand, but any attempt to speak them out loud would derail my thoughts – which was why any surprise question shot towards me would require me to think deeply before I could produce any satisfactory reply.

It was nearly always a frustrating experience to not be able to convey my thoughts to the dot, but can be reproduced perfectly in writing.

I’ve never really understood my self, but I’m learning more as the years trudged on – this self that’s in that shunned back alley of the world called Weirdville.

It was a Lonely Thursday fuelled by a can of Red Bull downed in the car on the way to college. :/

OK so I was exaggerating the loneliness a little, but sigh it was as if I’m pushed back to being the new student all over again when I have to enter 4 tutorial classes in a single day without a partner-in-crime or something similar. For instance, during my 8am Financial Markets tutorial, I was sitting 2nd row from the front (no one sat at the front row) all by my own – before a random stranger sat 2 seats away from me. I’m not particularly concerned if I’ve a friend or not in that class because at that moment, my mind felt strangely warped – it’s as if I was being forced to be awake artificially when all I really needed was a few more hours of rest, when I only slept about 4 hours plus beforehand. And even though that class was deathly boring, I didn’t feel sleepy at all, all thanks to Red Bull.

Then came my Quantitative Analysis class in the computer lab where I sat next to a girl, whose name I later learned was Rebecca when I volunteered to pass up her tutorial assignment for her (yeah I’m quite the gentleman wtf). QA class was mildly exciting as we got to use the computer, although not that much – I just went online on MSN on Meebo during break and chatted with Soon Guan, Jon, and Shawn.

And when class ended, I don’t know why but it was soo terribly difficult to let these words escape my mouth: “Wanna have lunch together?” directed towards Rebecca. I let several minutes slipped by by pretending to surf the Net padahal I was randomly clicking links everywhere, then finally I just stood up, bade her goodbye and made some small talk like what class she’d be having later etc (ooh same Price Theory tutorial at 1pm) and walked out alone.

No I wasn’t interested in her – I just needed a lunch partner wtf. I was afraid I’d come out as trying to ask her out on a date or something (in the romantic setting of the college cafeteria) – there’s really no reason to be so self-conscious, I suppose, but I can’t help it lah. It always happened especially ‘round girls. And when putting my hand(s) around a girl when snapping photos or something I’d do it quite delicately without exerting too much pressure ‘cause scared they’ll take it the wrong way and scream molest or something wtf digressing and think too much.

I walked out from my comp lab and stumbled onto this Malay guy who was in 1 or 2 of my classes last semester, chatted for a bit, then picked up the LAST copy of R.AGE (albeit slightly tattered) to read while I’m eating alone in the cafeteria huhu while others were eating in groups. But not too long after I finished a mediocre claypot-ful of kuey teow soup, Khai Shin came =D to pass the money she collected yesterday from our financial calculator business.

And then FAC dropped by. And then this new transfer student from Taylor’s Business School. AND lemme relate the actual story of my fugly hair: I saw said student in our first Price Theory lecture whom Khai Shin was talking to, noticed his cool-looking hair and wanted to emulate that (actually wanted to do that kinda hairstyle for some time already, just didn’t know how to direct the hair stylist to cut it that way), immediately after my class I went to iCube, told the hair stylist as best as I could, and he prolly misunderstood it or something and delivered this super fugly hair to me. T________T

But anyway we had a nice short chat together, and one of the topics revolved around how they were suspecting that the Malaysian Company Law lecture is gay (initiated by – who else – FAC) and made light-hearted jabs at him.

At 1pm I pulled myself to the Price Theory tutorial (went into the wrong class at first, which explained why no one entered the classroom at all). Our lecturer was late for 20 minutes citing lunch reasons (Rebecca who was sitting next to me said it was pretty typical of her), then let us off 40 minutes earlier WTF. And I had no clue wtf was going on in the lesson.

By that time I was yawning and felt a little tired, but then I went lepak-ed around some more at the computer lab, then went back to class for the last tutorial of the day – Business Finance. Boring like fuck (was sitting alone again T_____T) and I wasn’t sleepy at all, looks like the Red Bull really works as advertised.

Class was dismissed an hour earlier (it’s a 2 hour and a half class) ‘cause it was just covering a short 1st topic, then I collected more money from students who want to purchase the calculator (including one last minute foreign student whom I nearly missed out ‘cause she phoned me a few minutes before my mum arrived to pick me up) – by then my wallet was bursting full with nearly RM3,000 cash, felt a little uncomfortable walking around with so much money on my body.

Went to the Maybank ATM at Taipan (they were transferring money out from the ATM machines, piles and piles of money were being dumped into plastic bags) which was guarded by security guards with shotguns. Then reached home at about 5.30pm, went online for a while, slept for a grand total of 30 minutes, ate dinner, then went for Chinese class at 8pm.

And I still didn’t feel the exhaustion hitting me yet! 0_o

Even now as I type, I didn’t feel the anticipated fatigue to hit me after a ridiculously long day studying 5 different things. Sememangnya Red Bull-leh wtf.

Edit: After waking up, my head felt really heavy and I was in such a daze. My energy and vigour supplied by Red Bull yesterday had probably been emptied out, and then some.

Quick entry – I have Chinese homework still not yet completed and a Price Theory tutorial homework due tomorrow for my 8am to 5pm tutorial classes (yeah all 4 of them -__-), and THEN I have to go for my Chinese class at 8pm. God knows if I can stand the extreme hectic-ness of it all (I’m doubtful that I can stay awake, but more on that later) – my Quantitative Analysis lecturer personally told me during our first lecture, on seeing my schedule for Thursday, that in her years of teaching, good students who have such a busy timetable will see a drop in grades WTF. Sigh that’s a wee bit demoralising, but belum cuba belum tahu kan?

Anyway after my class ended at 10am, I went with my mum to do some banking in Taipan. And lo and behold, as a consequence of parking indiscriminately by the roadside (opposite the Maybank/Secret Recipe row), we got a nice present from MPSJ worth RM80. -____- Cibai. I recall again what my LAW 100 lecturer used to tell us – that he disagree with certain laws, like these parking ‘offences’ that do not contradict any moral values, because people won’t just park anywhere they like right if there are ample parking space!

My parents and I went off immediately to MPSJ to pay off the summons – which was reduced to RM40, but haih still sakit hati ok – being the law-abiding citizens that we are wtf.

On reaching home, I waited for a while for Andy to pick me up, then we went off together to Pyramid for yet another farewell session. :( So many people leaving these few weeks. This time it was for Vick Kee, my classmate from the class of AC2 alllll the way back during our Foundation years – my AC2 family was a clique that I enjoyed being with in retrospect, too bad all the physical distance (we live too far from one another) and maybe language differences (it was just me wtf – back when I was still a perfect banana) didn’t pull us closer together.

So we went straight to Red Box – Andy and I were the first to arrive, so we took the chance to sing as much as we could until Jo Vie arrived a short while later. Continued singing some more for nearly an hour until Vick Kee, her boyfriend, and boyfriend’s friend finally arrived.

Damn puas lah – I got over my shyness of singing ‘cause I can’t really sing but once the don’t-care attitude sets in.. all’s well. :) Got to sing a few of my favourite English songs (Superman!) and Chinese songs (mostly Jay Chou wtf) and because I have been going karaoke-ing with Andy and my AC2 friends for some time, I find myself able to remember parts of lyrics of the songs they sing even though I don’t have the songs in my computer. That, plus I can read snippets of Traditional Chinese (I’m only learning Simplified, so..).

Vick Kee and Jo Vie.

I’m in dire need of opinions about a dilemma, but before I proceed lemme relate what happened during yesterday’s lecture for Business Finance.

Our lecturer was relating to us how we needed to get a financial calculator that will cost about RM130-140 outside, but should we purchase in bulk, we can probably get it for about RM100 each. When asked for volunteers, being Malaysians who refuse to shoulder any responsibility when one could help it, no hands were raised. And this went on for some time (it was our first lecture so we were busy signing up for our tutorials), even despite the fact that our lecturer told us that we could charge an extra ringgit or two for the work involved.

After a while, Khai Shin – literally the only one I ever hung out with in RMIT ‘cause other people already formed their own respective cliques – asked if I’d be interested to volunteer ‘cause she sure as hell wouldn’t want to pay the full price of the calculator. I hesitated, then she nudged on saying that she’d help me with it, and that we should definitely charge a little extra for the effort we’re putting into.

So when Ms. Bee Bee asked the students again for volunteers, I told her that I’d volunteer (I was near the sign-up forms for tutorials placed near her), she announced my name, pointed to me, and everyone started clapping WTF.

When class ended, a few students (including one quite hot Indonesian? girl) began to approach me wanting to pay RM100 but I told them to pay me another day as I’ve yet to find out how much the calculators are exactly. While I was pondering where the hell to get the financial calculators from, FAC (Fucking Annoying Classmate) came to the rescue – as usual – and conveniently, at the top of his voice, told me that the Curtin office purchased the calculators for only RM95 each. He then passed me a booklet detailing said calculators along with the contact numbers (so ever resourceful).

When I went inside my dad’s car, I wasted no time ringing the dude up and placed an order for 33 calculators. Khai Shin and I decided to charge RM5 each – making the calculator cost RM100 exactly – which should be able to cover our SMS and telephoning charges to the students concerned. And we would gain about RM70+ each from shouldering this task – not bad can cover more than half of the cost of the calculator itself. :D

I was actually initially very very lazy to shoulder any responsibility having done that quite a lot in high school, but ah when financial gain is concerned, I’ll be there wtf. Hooray to business acumen.

At 9.45pm yesterday, I left from house and picked up Andy and Sarah, and then went to Melur USJ 17 where we were supposed to meet up with Kai Shen, Ding, and Kai Tzin – it’s supposed to be The Last Supper before Kai Shen departs today for Sydney to further his studies there for 2 years. After a while, Esther and Adrian dropped by.

The guys who went yesterday.

As my Internet connection was being a total bitch on Thursday, I dropped by at Andy’s house again for a while, and waited till I receive an SMS indicating that we could meet up at the Shell station after Summit Hotel from this seller from Kajang who happened to be in Subang for business. I have been wanting to purchase a proper camera bag ever since I got my DSLR, and as this seller rarely used his Computrekker AW (it was allegedly in a mint condition, and I think it looked alright), I took it off his hands for RM350.

Then I went back again to Andy’s house to resume using his Internet till nearly 6pm. And after my Chinese class, had a DotA session again with Ding and Jon at Jon’s house (collected my 500GB hard drive from Jon that I bought for RM410 that would serve as a photo-only storage – my photos are expanding like crazy due to the insane amount of size per photo (10MB/photo if converted from RAW), and after that at about 1am the three of us went to Tanjung for a short mamak session.

Random photo of myself snapped in Andy’s room with my newly purchased Converse cap to cover my butt-ugly hair.

On Friday afternoon, I went to Jon’s house to use his Internet connection till about 6pm before he and his church friends had to leave for somewhere else. Then at about 10pm, Shawn and Ding came to my house to do our Japanese homework and on completing them, we went to find Andy who was busy with his ‘assignment’. We ended up talking in the kitchen over a can of beer each, and Shawn even cooked 4 packets of Maggi Mee, adding in eggs and sausages.

Yesterday afternoon at about 3pm, I asked Andy to teman me to Summit to buy 3 tickets to Hancock because we couldn’t book them online, and after purchasing them, we went to Giant for a while as I wanted to get an extra razor with extra cartridges.

At about 7.20pm, Yen picked me and Ding up, and as always with USJ 1, we got stuck at the traffic jam near Giant and was about 10-15 minutes late for our 7.40pm movie. It was definitely a very different superhero flick, the storyline was interesting and decidedly different, there was humour peppered throughout the show – overall it was a fantastic watch although it was only about 90 minutes long. :)

Yen then dropped Ding and me at one of them Chinese kopitiams at Taipan for us to grab some bite.. then we walked over to Starbucks where she was there with her friends and we drove her car back to her place at about 11pm. We lepak-ed in Shawn’s room.. chit-chatted for a while before Andy dropped by at around midnight.

We talked a whole lot together with Yen in the room up till about 2am.. then went downstairs to sample the Canadian whisky that Shawn brought back from college because I insisted like the alcoholic I’m turning into wtf. Only Andy and I drank because Shawn was just recovering to become sober after being completely drunk while helping out his lecturer in college.. and just minutes later I felt this incredibly uncomfortable sensation in my body when my heart continued to pump at an abnormally fast rate. I recited a short tale where Poh Yuen was telling me some story about some time ago when she got really drunk and “felt like dying”.. right then, those three words rung true to me.

We ended up talking for a bit more at the living room.. and we were so lazy to get back home that we slept there at about 4am.

Woke up in the morning and went back at about 11.30am.

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What I told my parents this Monday morning – I thought I’d be filled with the deepest sense of relief. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be feeling when the deed was done, and while I was hovering in limbo in between emotional relief and confusion, what Yen talked to me last night had me incredibly shaken up. The zone of emotional void I was in prior to that talk became tangible, concrete, suddenly crystal clear and it was quickly replaced by a wave of sadness.

A life ahead filled with meaningless one night stands – I don’t want any of that. I don’t want to participate in those. But I know my own body never listens. Beyond this path that my self has laid out for me, I suddenly could smell the fumes of loneliness that lie ahead in a thick, suffocating smog.

Halfway through talking on the couch in the living room, I asked Andy quite suddenly – slightly inebriated by the whisky – if I could get a hug. And we did. As we held there for a minute under the dimmed lights in that platonic embrace, I felt myself close to tears. It was a long time I ever had a proper hug that breathes of security, that indicates, if anything, that I will be loved.

Sorry for the lack of updates – my Internet connection (namely by the one and only monopolising Malaysian broadband company TMNet with their unreliable product Streamyx) has been largely unusable since last Friday, and I have not been able to get online. I have been randomly hopping to friends’ houses to utilise their functioning Internet connection to get actual work done among others – and I have been quite busy lately as well – thus I have absolutely no time to blog (I’m at Jon’s house now sambil blog sambil main DotA with Ding and Jon wtf).

So we sent off Heng last Saturday early in the morning – I woke up at 5.45am and got ready before departing at about 6.30am and picked up Wai Hong, Suet, and Andy – at KLIA. It wasn’t at LCCT because the MAS tix he bought to Kota Kinabalu was RM20 cheaper than AirAsia’s for his selected date, which was a first.

No trip to KLIA/LCCT is incomplete without going to the marginally expensive McDonald’s.